Stuff'll Kill Ya

I remember being seventeen, a senior year in high school, and hearing about the miracle pill- EPHEDRA. Everyone around me was buzzing about how much weight could be lost by taking that little sucker. They sold it at Wal-Mart in the form of Xenadrine. The only problem- you had to be 18 to purchase.

"Moooooooooooom! Will you PLEASE get me some Xenadrine?!"

With the look I got from her, I might as well have been asking her to buy me a bottle of vodka, a package of condoms, and some porn.

"Daaaaaaaaaaaaad! Will you PLEASE get me some Xenadrine?!"

Dad didn't even look up from his computer. He just replied, "stuff'll kill ya."

So needless to say, I did without. By the time I was 18 and legal to purchase it myself, I was heading off to Oklahoma State to play softball and being drug tested regularly by the NCAA. So Xenadrine and Ephedra were never really in the cards for me. Eating right had never been a priority to me either. I preferred sugar over vegetables, and carbs over balance.

I have cleaned up my act quite a bit by eating mostly gluten-free now (keyword: mostly), but I have been known to, gulp, BINGE on the weekends quite a bit. Last weekend was no different. I dominated 3 packs of M&M's in one day. You start eating sugar early, and the rest of your day kind of goes downhill from there. I hit the gym up yesterday, but that was just to get a pedicure at the gym's spa. So I decided this morning I would go hard. I have been following a lift program for the last couple weeks, and I planned on running 5 miles on the treadmill after completing that.

Before leaving the house for the gym, my genius self decided to take it to the next level by adding an extra "supplement" than usual. I bought the stuff because on the bottle it says "liquid fat incinerator". Holy crap! That sounded EXACTLY like what I needed! Anything to incinerate fat was a friend of mine. I immediately thought of it as lipo-in-a-bottle. Did I mention this stuff is in LIQUID form?! Yeah. Intense. It said on the bottle to take 3ml-6ml twice a day.

At the gym, 3-ml and 20 minutes later, I broke out in a sweat and my heart rose like I had just sprinted a couple 400's around the track. This was only after tying my shoes! Oh my gosh, this stuff is great! I may lose 5 lbs. today, I remember thinking. I powered through my lift and headed upstairs to the treadmill when it hit me. I thought I was gonna pass out and throw up at the same time. (Which is a talent, by the way, usually only feated by drunkards and druggies). I decided to just sit down and read about Pippa Middleton in the latest issue of People while Hubbs finished his cardio instead of running those five miles like originally planned. Picking up Kaden from the kids' center was an ordeal, and I had to lay down on a bench while the sweet employee changed his diaper.

Lunch didn't help.

Dinner didn't help.

I changed my shirt three times today, after sweating through each one. It's 7:40 PM right now, my heart is STILL racing and I have only peeled myself off the couch to change diapers, grab a different remote, and heat up dinner, all while my son has played by himself and his little Thomas trains.

Stuff'll kill ya!

The crap doesn't have ephedra in it, but after reviewing it's list of ingredients, I'm not really sure what exactly it DOES have in it. A good rule of thumb should be- If You Can't Pronounce It, Don't Put It In Your Body! Have you ever looked at the ingredients of Coca-Cola? It'll gross you out. Anyways, thank you Liquid Clenbutrx for ruining my whole day! Thank God I didn't take the 6ml dose or I would probably be at the ER by now! And how do people take this crap TWICE a day? I would really like to meet those people and get their autographs.

In closing- if you are looking for a way to incinerate fat, stick to the old fashioned way of eating more veggies and walking an extra mile. If you are looking for a way to incinerate fat AND be a dead-beat parent at the same time, definitely take this stuff!

Smile today :)